Lately I feel like I've been building my testimony. I've been feeling defeated and alone. Not the alone feeling of not having anyone there for me; just the alone of not feeling God's presence as much as I have in the past. I've been waiting for God to tell me what to do with my life, even though He has already told me what I am supposed to do. I'm still waiting for the answers that I want to hear. I am also afraid that I will miss my chance to do what He has planned because of my fears. I'm afraid of what people will think, and I am afraid that I will fail. Maybe this is all part of the plan. Maybe I am supposed to be afraid of what people will think, so that I can step out before them. Maybe I'm supposed to fail first. Perhaps this would be a test to see if I draw near to God, or stray away like I've done in the past.
I'm exhausted because I am always running away from what God wants me to do. I feel like I'm answering all of the questions I've had just by writing all of this down. Maybe this is my "quiet time." I have also been filling the voids of not having much faith. I've been putting most of my faith in relying on friends for selfish reasons and nothing ever works out. Here is where God comes in as the one who has never left me, but still I'm running like Forest Gump in the opposite direction.
I've been stuck in this rut for a while now. When I think I have something amazing and everything is going to finally be aligned, it ends. I know what I need to do to carry out the plans but I don't want to. Not now, I feel like I need to enjoy my early 20's before I have to settle down and live a boring life in the church. I know that the last sentence was horrible but it's how i feel. It might just be me blinded by the temptations I'm facing everyday now. Hopefully I'll wake up soon!
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Skeletons
I'm obsessed with skeletons. This is a fairly new obsession. I'm not sure where it started, but it's been going on for about 2 or 3 years now. I don't like just any kind of skeleton. Scary skeletons are not my thing. I like decorative ones, painted ones, cartoon ones, animated ones, people dressed like skeletons, peoples' faces painted like skulls, sugar skulls, etc.
As a child, I was very afraid of anything related to Halloween. My parents helped to feed this fear, by showing me religious tracts about what was going to happen to all of my classmates who liked this Pagan celebration. I was never allowed to participate in Trick-R-Treating, I didn't mind at all. Instead, we went to Hallelujah Nights at our local church. At Hallelujah Night, we would get dressed up and bring candy to play games and such (I was Righteous Raccoon for a couple of years with a scripture etched into my costume). This night also took place on Halloween night. So basically it was a big Halloween party.
I went to my first real Halloween party my junior year of high school. I was so excited, i could finally see what I have been missing all these years. My mom was not as excited as I was but surprisingly let me make my own decision on going. My aunt worked at the Pointe Coupee Jail and lent me an inmate jumpsuit. I also purchased some fake handcuffs from the local Wal-Mart. I drove my mom's mini van to the party, and parked it behind the trees because of the embarrassment. The party was fun, kind of like Hallelujah night, instead of candy there was alcohol.
Anyways, back to skeletons. I had heard about this movie called "The Nightmare Before Christmas," I decided to purchase it about 3 years ago. I was familiar with Tim Burton and I wanted to see what the fuss had been about since I was not allowed to watch it when it came out in 1992. I watched the movie and loved it. This movie was pure Halloween (and a little Christmas). I became obsessed like I do with most things. I hid the movie in my bedroom in fear that my mom would find it and that would be $20 in the garbage.
Upon leaving my parents house to move to Baton Rouge, I noticed this turquoise skull bank at Urban Outfitters. I decided to buy it, in hopes that i could save some money in it. I was also in Pre-Nursing classes at the time and this skull bank had every little groove and suture that a real skull has. My classmates and I used it to study the parts of the outer skull. My friends decided to name him Henry. So Henry Skellington stayed with me for the whole year that I stayed away from my parents. He moved around from place to place with me, helped me buy a few Buckdoubles/Double cheese burgers, and became a great decorative piece with some aviators added.
Then Halloween came along that year. I noticed there were other cool skeleton/skull collectibles out there for really cheap around this season. So I started buying a few posters, glitter foam skulls, and skeleton figurines to add to my collection. I think it was like the forbidden fruit for me, but I didn't feel that bad because we all have skeletons inside of us so why not show off what God made and how cool and descriptive our God can be.
I moved back into my parents' house this past June. My room at home is a lot smaller, so I knew I would not be able to put up everything I had in my apartment. Of course the first thing I put in my room was Henry Skellinton. The room just brightens with him in it. He can make the saddest day a happy one. I also put a black glitter foam skull on my dresser. While at a friend's house one night I received a call from my mom. "Ethan, there is a skull on the steps outside that I took from your room, DO NOT bring this back inside. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I love you, bye!" "Waittttt!!!!!!" So then I rushed home to find Henry Skellington turned over on the steps with dew all over him, decaying the turquoise paint which covered him! I walked back inside with him and my mom screamed, "Keep that scary thing outside!" I then said, "Mom what do you want me to do with it, I bought this a long time ago, it's mine!" Then she said, "Ethan I don't care who bought that! Keep it in your truck or something! Just not in my house!" I then said," Mom why are you acting like this! How is it scary! We all have skulls in us!" "Yes, but we have FLESH covering our skulls Ethan!" "Mom that's scary! You are scaring me! You're Scary!" Then she ended our conversation with, "Whatever Ethan, just don't bring that in my house, keep it in your truck or I am throwing it away, this is my house!" Then my dad went into my room and said to throw away my black glitter skull and he stated, " I don't want none of that demonic shit in my house!" So I threw the glitter skull in a drawer and gently placed Henry in my truck.
I needed a way to get back at them. So I placed Henry on my dashboard and decided to tell every single person I knew including family about the incident. Then they will be embarrassed and let me take my skulls out again. This backfired. They were embarrassed that the whole family mocked them. So they scolded me for telling everyone and the skulls are still hidden from the outside world.
I was riding with my dad a few days ago and I picked up his sunglasses. There was a gold skull and crossbones on the sides of these sunglasses. I held them up and said, "What the Hell is this?" He then said, "I knew you would be the only one to point that out!" "Well Dad, I don't want Demonic glasses in this truck anymore, find a place to put them other than here!" He rolled his eyes and the glasses are still in his truck.
I was shopping at Target the next day and saw a dog costume that looked like a skeleton. I thought it would be funny to buy it and put the costume on my dog and let her run around the house in it. My dad did not think it was funny and found it offensive. The costume was also way too tight on the 90 pound labrador, so it was returned.
My skeleton obsession has not diminished since the incident. It has only heightened. We decorate the office at work every year for Halloween. I bought everything in Dollartree that had to do with skeletons and decorated the crap out of our office. It's beautiful. One day, when I get my own place, I will be able to place my skeleton collection for all to see. Until then, I will have to wait and secretly watch The Nightmare Before Christmas... Again.
As a child, I was very afraid of anything related to Halloween. My parents helped to feed this fear, by showing me religious tracts about what was going to happen to all of my classmates who liked this Pagan celebration. I was never allowed to participate in Trick-R-Treating, I didn't mind at all. Instead, we went to Hallelujah Nights at our local church. At Hallelujah Night, we would get dressed up and bring candy to play games and such (I was Righteous Raccoon for a couple of years with a scripture etched into my costume). This night also took place on Halloween night. So basically it was a big Halloween party.
I went to my first real Halloween party my junior year of high school. I was so excited, i could finally see what I have been missing all these years. My mom was not as excited as I was but surprisingly let me make my own decision on going. My aunt worked at the Pointe Coupee Jail and lent me an inmate jumpsuit. I also purchased some fake handcuffs from the local Wal-Mart. I drove my mom's mini van to the party, and parked it behind the trees because of the embarrassment. The party was fun, kind of like Hallelujah night, instead of candy there was alcohol.
Anyways, back to skeletons. I had heard about this movie called "The Nightmare Before Christmas," I decided to purchase it about 3 years ago. I was familiar with Tim Burton and I wanted to see what the fuss had been about since I was not allowed to watch it when it came out in 1992. I watched the movie and loved it. This movie was pure Halloween (and a little Christmas). I became obsessed like I do with most things. I hid the movie in my bedroom in fear that my mom would find it and that would be $20 in the garbage.
Upon leaving my parents house to move to Baton Rouge, I noticed this turquoise skull bank at Urban Outfitters. I decided to buy it, in hopes that i could save some money in it. I was also in Pre-Nursing classes at the time and this skull bank had every little groove and suture that a real skull has. My classmates and I used it to study the parts of the outer skull. My friends decided to name him Henry. So Henry Skellington stayed with me for the whole year that I stayed away from my parents. He moved around from place to place with me, helped me buy a few Buckdoubles/Double cheese burgers, and became a great decorative piece with some aviators added.
Then Halloween came along that year. I noticed there were other cool skeleton/skull collectibles out there for really cheap around this season. So I started buying a few posters, glitter foam skulls, and skeleton figurines to add to my collection. I think it was like the forbidden fruit for me, but I didn't feel that bad because we all have skeletons inside of us so why not show off what God made and how cool and descriptive our God can be.
I moved back into my parents' house this past June. My room at home is a lot smaller, so I knew I would not be able to put up everything I had in my apartment. Of course the first thing I put in my room was Henry Skellinton. The room just brightens with him in it. He can make the saddest day a happy one. I also put a black glitter foam skull on my dresser. While at a friend's house one night I received a call from my mom. "Ethan, there is a skull on the steps outside that I took from your room, DO NOT bring this back inside. I don't want to talk about it anymore. I love you, bye!" "Waittttt!!!!!!" So then I rushed home to find Henry Skellington turned over on the steps with dew all over him, decaying the turquoise paint which covered him! I walked back inside with him and my mom screamed, "Keep that scary thing outside!" I then said, "Mom what do you want me to do with it, I bought this a long time ago, it's mine!" Then she said, "Ethan I don't care who bought that! Keep it in your truck or something! Just not in my house!" I then said," Mom why are you acting like this! How is it scary! We all have skulls in us!" "Yes, but we have FLESH covering our skulls Ethan!" "Mom that's scary! You are scaring me! You're Scary!" Then she ended our conversation with, "Whatever Ethan, just don't bring that in my house, keep it in your truck or I am throwing it away, this is my house!" Then my dad went into my room and said to throw away my black glitter skull and he stated, " I don't want none of that demonic shit in my house!" So I threw the glitter skull in a drawer and gently placed Henry in my truck.
I needed a way to get back at them. So I placed Henry on my dashboard and decided to tell every single person I knew including family about the incident. Then they will be embarrassed and let me take my skulls out again. This backfired. They were embarrassed that the whole family mocked them. So they scolded me for telling everyone and the skulls are still hidden from the outside world.
I was riding with my dad a few days ago and I picked up his sunglasses. There was a gold skull and crossbones on the sides of these sunglasses. I held them up and said, "What the Hell is this?" He then said, "I knew you would be the only one to point that out!" "Well Dad, I don't want Demonic glasses in this truck anymore, find a place to put them other than here!" He rolled his eyes and the glasses are still in his truck.
I was shopping at Target the next day and saw a dog costume that looked like a skeleton. I thought it would be funny to buy it and put the costume on my dog and let her run around the house in it. My dad did not think it was funny and found it offensive. The costume was also way too tight on the 90 pound labrador, so it was returned.
My skeleton obsession has not diminished since the incident. It has only heightened. We decorate the office at work every year for Halloween. I bought everything in Dollartree that had to do with skeletons and decorated the crap out of our office. It's beautiful. One day, when I get my own place, I will be able to place my skeleton collection for all to see. Until then, I will have to wait and secretly watch The Nightmare Before Christmas... Again.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Everyone else is doing it!
So,
This is my first blog since i had Xanga in 2004. Hopefully I will be able to write a lot and hopefully you all will read it!
This is my first blog since i had Xanga in 2004. Hopefully I will be able to write a lot and hopefully you all will read it!
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